2006是很奇怪的一年.
认真说,坏得不算太坏; 好呢,又没有多好.
要仔细一件一件细数,才发现,我真的开始老了.
老,要用什么来做标准呢?
我的母亲身体一向来不好，
可是始终不曾觉得有严重到危害生命的状态．
直到她病倒了以后，我才赫然发觉，原来父母都老了．
经医生检查诊断，她的子宫长了一个３公斤重的肉瘤，
必须立刻切除，不然会有生命危险．
那时候我们全家都很担心，虽然医生说手术的风险把算高，
但我们全家都没人动过这么大的手术．
在动手术的前一天，我和女友拿了假陪她办入院手续．
她还是和我爸一样不要给人添麻烦：
我们那时候从新加坡赶回来，午餐还没吃就带她到医院去．
入院前必须进行一系列检查，母亲怕我们饿着了，就一直要赶我们走，
看了就心酸．
最后我们当然没有走啦， 就一直陪着她到她躺在病床上，
已经４点半了．
我们又回到店里把父亲给载了上去．
陪着我母亲到六点多了以后，我父亲就得回家继续工作了，
这是我第一次看到我父亲吻我母亲．
这也是我第一次看到我父亲愁容满面的样子，
一样地，很心酸．
手术在第二天顺利进行，医生由于在我妈体内发现了另外一个
隐藏着的肉瘤（更大更重），就＂索性＂把我妈的整个子宫给割除了．
医生说我妈的身体恐怕会一直生成肉瘤，而且也没有生育的必要，
不如就整个拿掉，还和我们说没有额外收钱，算我们赚到了 -_-|||
修养了一段时间后，我母亲现在已经能做些简单的家务了，
身体也渐渐的回复，也没有再听说她哪里哪里又痛了 :D
经过这一次，才真正了解到父母老了．
我父亲之前也是有高血压昏倒的经验，只是我都是后来才知道．
为什么？因为他们担心影响我和我们的工作．．．
天下父母心．都是笨蛋．
连做儿子的，也是笨蛋．
＂不要麻烦别人＂
我果然是他们的孩子，哈哈．
我必须承认，小时候很多作业都是母亲帮忙做的．
那时候我因为是左撇子在学校经常受到歧视，
不仅写字没办法写好来，就连美术也搞到一蹋糊涂．
老师没耐心教我用剪刀和刀片，结果就不小心在我自己的手上，
来来回回割了好几次，流了不知道多少次的血．．．
最后还是母亲教会我怎么用左手使用利器的．
母亲怎么知道？她和我一起学着用左手用刀呵．
美术课老师交代的家庭作业，几乎全部都是母亲做的．
我必须承认美术完全是我的死穴，连拿了一年的Ｄ（刚好及格而已），
三年级开始便全权交给我母亲，平均分立刻从Ｄ上升到了Ａ或Ｂ呢．
当然，相比与父亲，母亲总是扮演着拯救者与慈祥的代名词．
那一年在学校玩得很疯，完全忘记相机就放在那里没人看管．
等我回过神来的时候才发现整个相机都不见了．
那时候很害怕很慌张，父亲问起的时候就说＂借给朋友了＂，
晚上却一个人躲在被窝里哭，哭到被母亲发现后，
才舍得把全部事情交代清楚．
母亲也没骂我（当时一个相机要两百块，是天文数字），
第二天就拿自己的私房钱（原本要寄回家乡的）去帮我买了一台补回来．
可是原本的那个ＭＯＤＥＬ已经找不到了，所以买了一个类似的．
可最后还是被父亲发现，被骂了三天>_<
母亲为我说尽好话，父亲才原谅了我．
后来从我母亲口中得知，我父亲气的不是我弄丢了相机，
而是因为我什么都不和他说，他其实不会骂我，但我必须坦白．
从那时候起，我就不敢对我父母撒谎．
当然啦，现在还是不会对我父母说真话．
像在新加坡工作有多辛苦，多么被人看不起．
工作压力多大，人事多复杂，身体不好，夜夜失眠还是什么问题，
都只是轻轻带过，毕竟我已经长大了啊．
可母亲就是看得透，知道我在隐瞒．
呵，这会让我更难过．
相对于父亲，我对于母亲的记忆是比较浅薄的．
原因不是我不爱我的母亲，而是一种距离．
我的母亲不会说中文，因为外婆是伊班人，属于马来西亚的少数民族．
外公是华人，可是却住在马来甘榜，因此母亲从小就说马来话长大．
母亲在父亲外出跑海的时候扛起了一家的生计．
那时候因为我母亲不会说中文，只能用生硬的福建话和婆婆沟通，
因此我婆婆不是很喜欢她．
父亲又出海，洗衣店的生意都得靠母亲一个人，
加上又要照顾两个年幼的姐姐
听我母亲说，那段日子她撑得很辛苦．
也因为一整天有一半以上的时间都得在洗衣间里过，
搞得自己的脚都生了病（风湿痛）．
可她从来没有抱怨过．我母亲就是那种传统的妇女，
任劳任怨，为孩子为家庭再辛苦也得咬紧牙关撑下去．
我很羡慕我的父母，结婚三十年，依然恩爱如昔．
当你看到一个５０多岁的男人牵着一个５０多岁的女人逛街，
你能不感动吗？
From a previous post of mine I mentioned about the flood that flushed my hometown's kitchen away...
This christmas I went back to JB and saw HELL -_-, the rain has stopped and the water level at JB has decreased, but the roads were left with plenty of holes and driving around town became something drastically difficult
Below are the images captured from my dad's video clips taken immediately after the kitchen collapsed and got flushed away...
According to his description, many of our customer's clothes (he owns a laundry shop) were dirtied and needed to compensate to our customers, sigh...
And then it took them 2 full days to clean up the mud, OMG T__T 
我现在是个电脑程序编写员(Programmer)，
很大程度上，是拜我父亲所赐．
八十年代的天空，并没有那么多的干扰．
有电脑的家庭，在新山没有几个，
我家是个例外． 因为我的舅舅们都是电脑疯子，
当然也包括了我父亲．
在那个我们还玩着家家酒，堆积木和在巷隅间玩耍的年代，
我有幸在四岁那年（也就是１９８５年）第一次接触到电脑．
那时候的电脑并没有什么了不起，没有颜色，没有多媒体图像，
速度更是慢得恐怖．
可我就是惊讶，那小小的四方盒子是如何地改变了我的世界．
从第一台电脑（忘了什么型号）到后来的Ｓpectrum...（用卡带玩游戏，厉害吧？）
我的世界从此就和电脑分不开．
父亲中学都没毕业，可他靠自学而来的编程技术(Programming Skills)
却是真才实学的．
在我们刚转去用ＰＣ的时候，那时候还是跑着８０２８６的处理器，
他就用ＱＢＡＳＩＣ写了一个随机生成四个号码的程序（拿来玩４Ｄ的^o^)
我那时候完全愣住了，原来电脑不是用来玩游戏而已！
从那时候开始，我就和电脑结下了不解之缘．
说到电脑，我父亲对它痴迷的程度可以从以下例子中看出．
在网络还不普遍的九十年代中，马来西亚的网络并不是宽频的．
那时候家里刚刚装了网络，为了让家中每个成员都有均等的上网机会，
父亲为大姐买了一台电脑，为我弟买了一台，为我买了一台．
加上原本用着的一台，我们家一共有四台电脑．
那时候最喜欢玩的，就是多人线上游戏，是的，你并不需要去网吧，
来我家就行了：D
父亲对儿女的宠爱，由此可见一斑．
每个小孩都渴望那份得不到的爱 -- For One More Day 里的其中一句
我很幸运的拥有了我父母完全的爱.
完全的爱是多少?
怎么可以给每个孩子100%的爱?你的父母到底分了多少的爱给你?
曾经怀疑过父母偏爱我弟弟多过我和我的两个姐姐,
因为他总是得到我们所得不到的照顾.
直到我读到了一篇文章, 标题是<<多少份的爱?>>
对于父母,爱就只有一种.
曾经觉得父母爱弟弟多一些,所以给了他50%的爱,
再把剩下的爱给了我们三个.
爱, 是不能被分割的. 爱就是爱.
而且,父母是真的给了我们每个人100%的爱.
* * *
自懂事以来，最喜欢做的事情就是追逐父亲的背影．
在一个只有三岁的小孩眼中，自己的父亲的的背影就像山一样高．
有任何风雨或坏人坏事，总之只要找到父亲，就什么都能够解决．
父亲在我出生前是一名船员．我祖父和我说过，
每个上海人在成年后都要到海上走走才算是男人．
我那时候听了就很是羡慕．
记得刚上小学的时候，我最喜欢做的事情便是拿着世界地图烦着父亲，
要他和我说一遍他到过的国家．
父亲有个盒子，里面装的是他跑海（就是做水手）时候的照片－－
有到阿根廷以南数百公里的小岛上和企鹅一起拍的照，
有横越大西洋时和捕捞上的巨型乌贼的合照，
有和老外朋友一起在意大利码头上喝酒玩闹的照片．．．
很好玩，很憧憬，那是小小的我的第一个小小的愿望：
长大了我也要做个跑遍天涯海角的好男儿！
我家的家教很奇怪，在家里我们都很不听话，
没大没小整天骑在父母头上，可他们却半句都不吭．
然而一旦外出，我们便全都变成乖宝宝，这就是我父亲的信念．
＂孩子们在外不能丢脸．＂
为的不是他们自己，而是我们．
所以直到现在当我看见别家的孩子总是在公共场所胡乱嬉闹，
我总会暗自庆幸我是由我父母所一手带大的．
话说回我父亲，在我搬出去住的前一个星期，很紧张地为我张罗一切．
我其实没有要去很远的地方，但他总是第一个为我想到一些我觉得理所当然，
但事实上却已一早忘记该做的事情．．．
＂孩子们在外头不能给别人添麻烦．＂
是的，我很自豪我都尽量做到了．
那时候我和我婆婆一起住，她一大把年纪了，行动不方便，而且晚上很早睡．
那天晚上我的哮喘忽然病发，很难受，
打了个电话回家，父亲坚持我不去叫醒我婆婆，而且要我一个人待在房间直到早上．．．
我那时候很委屈，为什么没人来看我？为什么我那么辛苦却还要挨多一个晚上？
第二天一早，我在婆婆起身了以后便自己驾车回家去找我父母，看了病以后，
睡了一整天，身体才好了回来．
你一定不会明白，为什么我那么委屈还回去找我父母？其实待我冷静下来了以后，
我才理解到父亲的用心良苦：
若然三更半夜把婆婆吵醒，又是告诉她我呼吸困难很辛苦，
她会不会吓着了？而且她都那么老了，能帮我什么呢？
若是我忽然开门吵醒了她让她以为是什么贼还是谁来了又怎办？
直到我看完了医生吃了药准备睡觉时，我才看到父亲红肿的双眼，
原来他和母亲都整个晚上没睡（难怪我打第二和第三次电话给他们的时候，
他们都是立刻接起电话的，这当然是因为害怕吵醒和他们同住的，
我的姐姐和弟弟啦），担心着我的状况．
后来才知道，父亲原本是打算一个人上来载我去看医生的，
可他听到我说还不要紧时便打消了这个念头．．．
是的，父亲都不是完美的，却实实在在的，是每个小孩心中永远的英雄．
要我说父亲，我有千百个故事要说； 可我不知道从哪里说起，
只得一点一滴抽丝剥茧地整理出来， 想到一则是一则．
在我还记得的时候，在我还来得及说的时候．
我的父亲，是世界上最伟大的男人．
我是真的有在反思
而且是很心寒且心虚的．
身为一个小孩，我曾经以为我很懂过，
可我从来没有注意过母亲或父亲脸上的眼泪是为了什么．
孩子的世界永远是最美与最灿烂的，因为有他们．
曾经放肆的觉得他们是一种累赘，拒绝父亲的任何一个拥抱．
每每父亲载着我去上课的时候，我总是厌恶地反射性地坐离他远远．
父亲的眼神很无奈，我别过头去，故意不看他．
直到稍微懂事了以后，明白了父亲的拥抱是什么意义，
却别扭的觉得自己长大了，应该离开父亲的庇佑而拒绝任何形式的身体接触．
我再次的让他失望．
直到有一次，脚指头的指甲刺到肉里需要开刀把指甲给拔除，
医生打了六只麻醉剂仍感觉非常疼痛，
父亲的一个拥抱却忽然让我产生了莫名的勇气－－
一个男人，痛一些算什么？
于是，咬紧牙关撑了过去以后，发现，
握住自己亲人的手，是最实在的支持与幸福．
不骗你，拿全世界和我换，我也不换．
自那次以后， 我逐渐认识父亲．
每一个小孩在自己还小的时候总是会以自己的父亲为榜样，
我也不例外，只是因为成长的尴尬与叛逆的性格，
使到我自己毫不留情地处处伤害父亲．
可我父亲总是个只做事不说话的男人，
那也是我最引以为荣的．
是的，我现在还是不骗你，我是真正地以我父亲为荣．
每每看到一整家人吃饭时他总是刻意的只吃白饭，
看似一直在夹菜却是一直的在舀汤汁配着白饭吃，
我的心就会一阵抽紧．
再看到他把最好吃的鱼，肉和虾都留给我们，自己却去啃那些没肉的骨头，
心何止酸而已？
可他从来不说，我也从来没说．
我们就这样默默过了六年．
直到我现在搬了出来．
读它之前
心情是期待的，因为知道有很多人被它感动．
有很多人的人生观因为这本书而起了一些微妙的变化．
从朋友那里知道了故事的大意后，更是觉得＂再多一天＂的概念很新鲜，
是没有人写过的题材．
读它的时候
心情是复杂的，因为故事的基调简单得一点也没有悬你念的打算．
平铺直叙的情节让我看到一半就已经知道故事结局会是何如何如的了．
其实心头很重，很想大口喘气告诉自己＂这故事其实没什么＂．
虽然没人写过，可因为写的是我们周围每天都在发生的事，
所以很自然而然的就知道结局要说些什么了．
只是，我依然没有将它放下，耐着性子将它读完
读了它之后
心情其实没有多大的起伏，以前看书的时候，心情会随着主角的遭遇而有不同，
投入感其实比较强，所以可以彻夜不睡就为了把一本书飙完．
和其他书不同，因为他探讨的是我们内心深处最黑暗也最容易让人忽略的一部分．
是的，我不觉得这书有任何的商业价值，但它却很成功．
很成功的让我去反思一些让我觉得理所当然以致不需要再经过任何思考的信念．
娱乐价值？很抱歉，它并没有大场面．
全书第一人称的手法更是会让那些习惯节奏紧凑与故事枝节复杂的人看得直打哈欠．
它的影响力不是瞬间爆发出来的，而是在你读完这本书的某个晚上，
你想起书上描述的母子之间的感情如何如何地投射在自己的故事里，
再无法想起和母亲或父亲上一次的谈话是怎样怎样的终结．．．
你，是不是还有些遗憾？
Sigh...
Remember I mentioned the big rain when I was at Genting in the previous post? It appears that it has become a big disaster to residents in Johor. JB is among the major disastrous area (for what? I've been living in JB for 20 years and not a single time was bothered by a flood or whatsoever)
Reports claimed that almost the whole of is flooded... 1 died, 2 missing, 100,000 need to be evacuated...
Oh ya.. -_- and when I called my mom yesterday, she told me that our shop's kitchen was gone, the rain flushed them away or something like that T_T...
First there's this stupid haze from indonesia that CAN ONLY be washed away with rain, and now rain comes... flood precedes...
Arghhhhh!!!! That korean guy Rain better don't come!~~~~~~ (what has it anything to do with him? but everybody been saying "Rain's coming"... and now this is what happened T__T)
Yoohoo~~~ been away for 4 days, actually spent 3 days at Genting with PY :D By joining SingTel RC's Genting Trip :D
A bit suaku hor, never been to Genting's theme park and casino before :(
But this time finally fulfiled this small wish la :D
去云顶三天,下了三天的雨...是有点扫兴啦 ~
but then, we managed to visit the snow world (and i was the first one to try the snow sledge, woohooooooo, damn scary -_- no instructor de, try at your own risk de)
Then there's this casino thingy -- at first lost almost $50 on the slots machine, then PY dunno struck what lady luck (maybe I stood 5 steps away from her), then she managed to win back $25 :D, so in the end only lose $25 (in 2 hours, duh)
overall the main point is that, we managed to runaway from SG for a few days, that's the ultimate objective for this trip, HK is too far and too expensive for us currently, but nevertheless Genting did does the trick too~~~
On our return trip, we went to KLCC to shop for half day, the Kinokuniya there on sales, bought 女人我最大 for PY at $14, and the book "For one more day" (since everybody asking me to go read) for $25 only!!!! ^o^
When we were kids, whenever the adults said something, we will treat is as truth... My parent fully exploited this behaviour of us innocent kids...
First, they told me "if you point your fingers towards the moon, your ears will get sliced by God"... that lasted till I was 15 when I accidentally pointed to the moon and remained one piece till the next day :D
Then, they told me "if you cut your nails at midnight, a ghost will appear to scare you to death"... that lasted till I was 18 when I was hit with this question: "What if those working night shifts, they can only cut their nails at midnight how?"
Also, they warned me that "do not swallow the seeds of fruits, wait later a tree will begin growing on your head", I cried and cried for 3 hours after hearing that, thinking my head will become a jungle after swallowing watermelon seedS and grape seedS >_<
大人那么喜欢欺骗我们小孩纯真幼小的心灵哪>_<
Seen enough of others playing around with blogger beta, I've decided to upgrade mine also --
Actually my blog has been running on blogger beta for the past few weeks, apart from the illegible word codes you've seen on the side page (they were actually chinese characters), there weren't much change.
But tonight I upgraded my template... quite nice to play with , but not much things can be customized visually (ue. you still need to go into the coding :D)
Phew, new look, will play around more settings sooner ya :D
I was quite shy (towards my family) when I was small...
When I was at primary 1 (一年级), I hadn't any friends and was constantly bullied by those from primary 6 (六年级大班), my pocket money will be given to them, for some "valid reasons" -_-
Nobody taught me that was not right, and all the while I thought that was something that "we should do" T__T, in the end my elder sister came and confronted those bullies, then only I know... 哦,原来有人和你要钱,你要反抗才对 -_-
WAIT, DO NOT LAUGH JUST YET
10 years later, when I was doing my SPM (ie. O'levels in SG) sejarah (历史, history) project, a bunch of us went to the central market and library in JB.
On our way back, there was this bunch of Malay kids roaming around the playground area, they approached us and asked for money.
小时候妈妈说过,这种人是坏人.
所以我学乖了.
The 5 of us didn't even bother to bird them (they're just 14 or 15 years old, if want to fight, we will win also)...
Then there's a friend of ours, 非常天真可爱, stopped by and asked them...
F: my friend, G: Gangsters
F: Kenapa you nak duit? (Why do you need money?)
G: *Astonished* Aku nak beli buku la, kurang lima ringgit lagi (I want to buy book, still need 5 more ringgit).
F: *Turn to face us* 我们是不是要帮一下他们? (Should we help them?)
We: 他在和我们勒索啊!不要管他! (He's blackmailing us, don't care him!)
F: 是咩?他不是你的朋友啊? (Is it? Isn't he your friend?)
G: *Even more astonished, turned to look for his boss* Boss, mereka tak mau beri ku duit! (Boss, they don't want to give me the money!)
Boss: *Comes out from a hidden toy (forgot where liao) in the playground, and is a big man at his 20s* Siapa tu? (Who?)
We: 快跑啦! ("Run!") *And we ran across the busy road to safety*
G: 为什么你们跑走了? (Why you all run away liao?)
In the end, G ended up paying 5 ringgit to those gangster -_-
Phewww, i got this lesson when i was 7, some got theirs at 17 -_-
Ok, I must admit, I hadn't had that "cursed" feeling for a long long time -- The feeling of everything around you are so related to "death"
Morning, 8:00 .a.m, my bus approached Yishun Bus Interchange, there was a large flock of crowd at the bus station. People were talking about a guy being by the train at Yishun MRT station...
Free shuttle bus by SMRT bringing commuters to YCK MRT Station to continue their southbound journey...
As my bus (854) got pass MRT station, I saw the blue strap and a train that stopped abruptly somewhere in the middle of the platform...
12:15 pm, out for lunch at AMK Avenue 4, as the cab we shared approaches the place, we saw a bunch of crowd gathering at the foot of one of the flat...
Civil Defence people are out there laying out the safety catch (安全气垫) on the floor..
as we sat down at our place, suddenly we heard people shouting, reporters rushing down from the flat's staircase and towards some place, the crowd followed...
Some say somebody commited suicide.
Some say there might be a police raid on drug addicts/traffikers...
Sigh... what an unpeaceful day.
I was talking about this with PY yesterday, she was saying 三岁定终身, and used me as an example -_-
I was telling her that I broke my tiny toe's bone while running around the house and hit the edge of a big big cupboard, i sobbed and whined for 30 minutes before my mom found me -_-
Conclusion: 小时候就很爱面子
On another occassion, I was playing on the wooden stairs of my house. The wooden stairs has this 栏杆 that we liked to put our heads through. As I grew bigger, I find it even more difficult to put my head through... And on that fateful day, I managed to squeezed my head through the posts, but didn't manage to get my head out!!!~~~
And being afraid of kena my mom scold, I acted as if I was enjoying playing with the posts very much -_-, while secretly attempting to pull my head out.. In the end, need to ask my dad come and pull the posts up and release my head before fixing the posts back T__T
Conclusion: 小时候就很爱面子
Although I missed my beloved superstar, I managed to find them on youtube! :D
For everybody who wished to watch PSS again, try to search for DarkonLore on youtube, and sort by the date added.
Why Taboo?
On Cruz Teng's blog he once said "不管我看好哪一个PSS或CSS的参赛者,最后他/她一定会出局"..
This time, arghhhhh, I said Tang Ling Yi look pretty and may go far, she was brushed off in the first round! [See performance video here]
Then... On the guys' side, I thought Jeff sang whole-heartedly and deserved a place in the last 16, but why? Why even the judges went for the looks?
Not once they said singing is of utmost importance, and yet they gave Jeff 31 only? Super unfair lor... He has a better voice and 麻度 than Le Sheng (who got 35) :D
